You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
