She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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