Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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