WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
