Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I miss vodka workout Fridays
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
