What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
