I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
