The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
