someone owes me an orgasm
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
