you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
