I'm going to jail i love you
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
