My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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