I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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