You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize