Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
