Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize