Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
