Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
