I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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