my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
