I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize