What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
