just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
