don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
