he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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