I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize