Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
