Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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