Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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