But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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