I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
