Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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