just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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