My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize
