So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
