i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
