We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
