i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
