he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
