he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
