there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
