Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
