I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
