I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
