I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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