i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
