Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She said her name was "party"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
