when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
