Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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