I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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