She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
