you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
