I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
