That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
