Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
