grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can text with my tongue
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
