Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
