You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
