apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
