Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize