Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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