a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
