They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
