You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
