She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
