sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
