my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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