I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
