the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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