i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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