i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize