So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
